Let me start by saying that this word rarely is a surprise or something people are startled by – especially parents. If anything its a validation that what you’ve been feeling, whether it was small things or a nagging gut perspective you are almost relieved to hear it out loud. In our case I knew something was wrong when my son was 8 months old – by the time we made it to his 15 month appointment and the pediatrician suggested we have him tested I wasn’t surprised. His father on the other hand left the room and refused to “label” his child.
I want to speak to this one statement really quickly specifically to the surprised parent. It isn’t a label that will define your child forever and it will in fact open your resources expenetionally so please don’t allow this to be a road block. By instantly creating a wall or a “I will not label or use that word” phrase you make this journey 100x harder for all involved and the child will feel that from you. Instead look at it as a opportunity to see the world through the eyes of your child and let them teach you something.
People often ask me in the short journey we have had what I would do differently and I always point to this 1 pivotal moment in time – the day the pediatrician sent us down this rabbit hole. Ideally you will need a board certified developmental pediatrician to actually diagnose your child with asbergers or autism so anything you do outside of that will simply be guessing. In our case it was a lot of guessing – from very high qualified people in all different aspects of the sensory field and the biggest challenge you will face is that most people will be cautious to label your child until they are at least 4 years of age or older. The draw back to this is that by that time you will have lost precious time to correct or re-steer some of the behavioral and learning patterns.
Autisum is a wide as the ocean in the sense of how a child falls on the spectrum. You could get together 1000 ASD children and would be hard pressed to find 2 identical – this of course proves to make the ultimate challenge and I think in the end there is no better observer than the parent. In our case we were facing a few critical aspects – food adversary, non verbal communication issues and repetitive stimulating movements. This is a very watered down version of what we have walked through and I will address more of this in other blogs.
Today I really just wanted to take in that moment – the one when someone said the word Autisum and how your whole world, plans, dreams and expectations come crashing in on you. First of all, DO NOT feel bad, you are allowed to take a moment to cry, be sad and mourn what you envisioned cause let me tell you its a hard road and one you are alone on many days BUT the end result is God’s grace and acceptance and a view into a world not many know of. Above it all it gives you grace, patience and an unabiding love for all beings great or small who’s path you cross. So take a moment and soak it in, your child is autistic – and ya’ll are going to be ok. You will be their greatest advocate, voice and warrior. You will reach into depths and fight for things you never even glanced at. You will love and hurt and cry and celebrate the smallest of challenges and it will leave you a better version of yourself.
Join me in my adventures with my son Max. He is now 4 and doing amazing. We have crossed a few valleys, some impressive mountains and have many more to venture through – but I know we will make it and be better for it. I will share some of our journeys up to this point and what I would do differently and going forward what we try and do. Thank you for joining me and feel free to share your stories, thoughts, hardships and victories.
MAM 